When I became a widower, I was hopelessly lost. My senses went into overdrive and my feelings were so intense and alien to me, I was in a complete state pf panic and a total fog. It felt like I was in a freefall. It was as if the rug that I had been walking on all of my life had suddenly and dramatically been pulled out from beneath my feet and there was no floor underneath me. The sensation of falling into an abyss had never been more acute. The saving grace were the friends and family that showed...
Among the many things I have been told since Suzanne died was that I should not try to distract myself from the grief. No matter what the form, a distraction (from what I can gather) is anything I do that stops me from thinking about Suzanne’s death and my love for her while I am in the process of thinking about it (and feeling sad, upset, angry, etc.). What I find is that it’s nearly impossible not to get distracted by something. Children, work, TV, walking, doing anything… Pretty much whatever one may do after our person dies will be...
In the wake of Suzanne dying, I struggled to find true peace. How did others do it, I wondered? Some turn to “god”, religion, etc. Others turn to self-medicating (drugs, alcohol, etc.). Some find it in more unconventional ways. I finally fell into the last category. When Suzanne died, my whole world shattered. The girls suffered. Her parents suffered. I suffered. How would I ever find any peace, tranquility or serenity in my life again? Life is strange when someone you truly love dies. I can only talk about my own experience, but it definitely seemed difficult to find anything...
You probably know a widow or maybe even a widower (we are about 10% of the widowed population, so a little rarer to know one of us). You probably know me if you’re reading this. You probably read a few things on the internet about what it’s like to be widowed. You probably have even seen some terms that you think might be appropriate to use when asking about our lives since losing our spouses. You might even sometimes ask me how I am doing. My “normal” reply will invariably be, “I’m doing Okay.” The reason this is my “normal”...
This is going to be long. I agonized for the last 24-hours (plus) about whether to make this more than one post. I also could not decided on a title… so the others I was thinking about will become different posts in future (now that I wrote them all down and finally settled on “letting go” for this one). So, here goes (and you may want to grab a coffee, tea, your favorite tipple… and a tissue if you’re that way inclined—I personally used several while I was writing it). Many of my friends will note that I often “preach”...
What is fear? Why do we sense it and why do we succumb to it? What are we truly afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen if we take the risk, make the call, change the story? Death. That’s ultimately what we all fear and are most afraid of. The second biggest fear I think we have is living. Not just living a life, but living a life of loneliness. Another is fear of failure, but I’m not going to address that here. It’s irrelevant to me… Fear of death holds us all back. It stops us in our...
My Immortal This amazing song is on my “Suzi Playlist”, and it’s hitting me hard right now… After long conversations with some of my fellow widows today, I’m really hurting for them. It breaks my heart to hear their stories. It hurts me so much to know they can’t/don’t want to share their story with others because of the pain it might cause others. That’s not right. And it’s certainly not fair. Still I hold space and offer unconditional love to them. And I get it people. We don’t like to talk about death and dying. Death is inevitable. It will...
