A Widower’s Way

My Immortal

This amazing song is on my “Suzi Playlist”, and it’s hitting me hard right now… After long conversations with some of my fellow widows today, I’m really hurting for them. It breaks my heart to hear their stories. It hurts me so much to know they can’t/don’t want to share their story with others because of the pain it might cause others. That’s not right. And it’s certainly not fair. Still I hold space and offer unconditional love to them.

And I get it people. We don’t like to talk about death and dying. Death is inevitable. It will come to us all. So why avoid talking about it? Because it’s scary? Because it’s difficult? Because it’s the ultimate mystery? Why do we fail ourselves and the people we care about because we are afraid to face the inevitable?

I’ve said it numerous times, Suzi showed me the way. She died with a grace and dignity I don’t think anything could surpass. Yes, she was a fighter—a true warrior. She fought the good fight. But she died. She is dead and will always be dead. Why are so many people afraid to utter these words? I don’t know. What I do know is that her death showed me how easy it can be to walk through that door.

Yet you continue ignoring me and my pain—and ignoring the pain of others like me (my fellow widows and widowers). You do yourself a disservice and you dishonor Suzi’s memory by not seeing that I have accepted the fact she is never coming back. So, you must know that I have learned to see through you.

You think you are forgetting, moving on, ignoring the inevitable and your own mortality. I say, do this at your own peril. No longer fearful of it, I accept that it will come to me and I can only hope I accept its invitation as gracefully and with the dignity Suzanne had.

For those widows who seek compassion and understanding—you know who you are—I love you with all my heart and always will. I’m here for you. At the end of a phone, a text or a message. Reach out if you need me.

My Immortal–by Evanescense

https://music.apple.com/us/album/my-immortal/1440665838?i=1440666126

I’m so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
‘Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won’t leave me alone

These wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I’m bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won’t seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I’ve tried so hard to tell myself that you’re gone
But though you’re still with me, I’ve been alone all along

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
You still have all of me, me, me

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