Fear and loneliness

What is fear? Why do we sense it and why do we succumb to it? What are we truly afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen if we take the risk, make the call, change the story?

Death. That’s ultimately what we all fear and are most afraid of. The second biggest fear I think we have is living. Not just living a life, but living a life of loneliness. Another is fear of failure, but I’m not going to address that here. It’s irrelevant to me…

Fear of death holds us all back. It stops us in our tracks. But why? If it’s going to happen to us all, and it will, why spend a life in fear and not embrace every moment with a sense of awe and wonder? Why do we enslave ourselves to the conditions and stories we are told throughout life? And why do we fear living with loneliness—instead of embracing our aloneness?

One of my fellow widows talked about loneliness in her blog post. She also talked about mourning being someone’s first and only. It’s true. We will never be someone else’s first and only except for the first and only version of our true self. Everyone comes with some sort of story. Some sort of fear. Some degree of fear of death and loneliness.

What I don’t get is why we let it cause us so much pain and anxiety. And why do so many people want to believe that real life begins after death? Yes, I understand that we have been brainwashed into wanting to believe there is more to it than what we see in our realities, and I say “believe what you like.” Personally, I’m certain we—as energetic beings—shed our mortal coil and release the energy we have inside to the elements and become “one” with god (whatever god you choose to believe in).

What I don’t understand is why so many of us are paralyzed by fear. I can say without reservation that I have been. Most of my life.

But things are different now. Now I’ve seen death up close and personal. Not the death of a pet or even a parent. No, those were deaths I expected would happen. They always do.

No. It was the death of my vibrant, healthy, kind, loving, caring, compassionate and understanding wife. Young. Passionate about life and our children. A yogi who was in the best physical shape of her life.

Dead. Never to come back dead. Why? What possible good could come from her death?

Well I can tell you several “good” things that have come out of her death. I’ve discovered my true Self. I’ve discovered that fear is paralyzing. I’ve discovered what love really means. I’ve discovered that we have to live a life that serves more than just our smaller selves. I’ve discovered how to feel alive and find love inside of my aloneness—without dwelling on my loneliness. I’ve discovered that to love my true Self is truly to love everyone. I’ve discovered that there is no place for fear or anger in my heart.

This journey has taken months. It has taken its toll. It has come at a cost.

The thing is, it has also brought more love and compassion to my life. It has brought me closer to more people than I ever thought possible. And it has cost me numerous relationships with people unwilling to look at their smaller selves in the mirror and see the truth. That’s hard. It’s also scary. It makes us fearful.

One day, those people will die. Or, they will watch as one of their dearest, closest people die. And they will finally understand. Will it make them bitter? Scare them more? Or will it change them like it has done to me? Will it make them want to make the world a more loving place? I hope so. For the world needs more dreamers and lovers, not fighters and fear mongers.

All my love to all of you ❤️❤️

One thought on “Fear and loneliness

  1. Anne

    What a beautiful post Jeff. And what a necessary blog. I gather, from reading you, that while widows- women widows, I mean- have several support networks, the same cannot be said of widowers- men widows- who often wall themselves in silent suffering.
    When i attended church services I was struck by how much of religion is about not being afraid of death. So yes, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head, death is the ultimately scary thing. And someone famous said something about how tragic life is with only a tomb on its horizon. Cheerful stuff. So Carpe diem, enjoy every moment of this miracle of life while it lasts, tring to find, as you amazingly do, the silver lining in all situations. Love you and the girls

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