Tears

This is version two of this week’s blog post. Normally, I would have published it by now, but wasn’t happy with the way my earlier one came out. Then I saw a vignette on a friend’s Facebook page and it made me think about some things I had not thought about for a while.  The post I read was written from a woman’s perspective. It was about her thankfulness for the man in her life who she believed God had put there to wipe away all her earthly tears.  It made me think of the time before Suzanne died, as...

Waking in an Empty Bed

If you have read any of my previous posts, you will by now know that my favorite band is a Scottish rock group from the 80s called Big Country. In 1984, they released their second album, Steeltown. That album debuted at number 1 in the UK. There is a particular song on that album that resonates deeply with me at the moment. That song is called Tall Ships Go and the first verse (and chorus) lyrics are: I dreamed I heard that you were dead. I dreamed I searched an empty bed.For a sign of you…And the sea called hard...

Anxiety

That word. “Anxiety.” It used to drive me nuts when Suzanne, or my daughters, would mention they had it. The reason was: I didn’t get it—literally and figuratively. Anxiety always seemed to provide a convenient excuse to not get involved or do something. It was never a problem when we had fun things to do… But something serious? That was another story. One or all of them was always getting anxious when something serious was taking place… In all my life (I’m inching closer to 52 years old now), I had never experienced anxiety. In fact, I never really felt...

“Chapter 2”, “Moving On” and “New Normal”

You probably know a widow or maybe even a widower (we are about 10% of the widowed population, so a little rarer to know one of us). You probably know me if you’re reading this. You probably read a few things on the internet about what it’s like to be widowed. You probably have even seen some terms that you think might be appropriate to use when asking about our lives since losing our spouses. You might even sometimes ask me how I am doing. My “normal” reply will invariably be, “I’m doing Okay.” The reason this is my “normal”...

Fear and loneliness

What is fear? Why do we sense it and why do we succumb to it? What are we truly afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen if we take the risk, make the call, change the story? Death. That’s ultimately what we all fear and are most afraid of. The second biggest fear I think we have is living. Not just living a life, but living a life of loneliness. Another is fear of failure, but I’m not going to address that here. It’s irrelevant to me… Fear of death holds us all back. It stops us in our...

A Widower’s Way

My Immortal This amazing song is on my “Suzi Playlist”, and it’s hitting me hard right now… After long conversations with some of my fellow widows today, I’m really hurting for them. It breaks my heart to hear their stories. It hurts me so much to know they can’t/don’t want to share their story with others because of the pain it might cause others. That’s not right. And it’s certainly not fair. Still I hold space and offer unconditional love to them. And I get it people. We don’t like to talk about death and dying. Death is inevitable. It will...